Having come to the understanding that we must reach out, having become a true disciple of Christ, having become a person who prays for the lost, it is time to start reaching. One effective form of reaching out is through relationships. Paul teaches us that we should take the opportunity we have to lead unbelievers to faith in Christ. He said that we should make “the most of the opportunity” (Colossians 4:5).
First of all, we are to seek to establish a relational connection with people. As our example, Paul said, “For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more. To the Jews I became as a Jew, so that I might win Jews; to those who are under the Law, as under the law though not being myself under the Law, so that I might win those who are under the Law; to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God but under the law of Christ, so that I might win those who are without law. To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak; I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. I do all things for the sake of the gospel, so that I may become a fellow partaker of it” (1 Corinthians 9:19-23). Paul sought to connect with unbelievers in order to share the gospel with them and we should as well.
Secondly, we need to be prepared to share the gospel through relational connections. For this reason Paul said, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person” (Colossians 4:6). It is the same reason that Peter said that we should “always” be “ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence” (1 Peter 3:15). We need to live a life before them that compels them to the gospel and then begin to speak. An overseer was to be an example of how others should live and an overseer was to “have a good reputation with those outside the church” (1 Timothy 3:7). These things are only done when we begin to establish some type of social connection with the lost. Remember that Jesus was often said to be a friend of sinners (Matthew 9:11; 11:19; Mark 2:15; Luke 5:30; Luke 7:34)
But a word of caution must be given and was given by Paul. “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean; and I will welcome you. And I will be a father to you and you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” says the Lord Almighty. Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God” (2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1).
Obviously, based on the scriptures regarding connecting with unbelievers, Paul is not telling us to never socialize with unbelievers, but the type of relationship is the issue. Notice that the term first introduced is “bound”. Paul is referring to a very close relationship in which that person influences you. Then he begins to focus on “righteousness” vs. “lawlessness”, “light” vs. “darkness”, “Christ” vs. “Belial”, “believer” vs. “unbeliever”, and “God” vs. “idols”. In every one of these details, the focus is on correct living and thinking. It is in that context that Paul quotes the Old Testament “come out from their midst and be separate.” It is also the reason why he says “let us cleanse ourselves from all defilement.” When unbelievers hold to unbiblical beliefs, we do not agree with them. When unbelievers behave in ungodly or unbiblical ways, we do not participate. It is this reason that in connecting with unbelievers Paul said, “to those who are under the Law, as under the Law though not being myself under the law…to those who are without law, as without law, though not being without the law of God” (1 Corinthians 9:20-21) [emphasis added].
You will have to be lead by the Spirit and perhaps have a strong Christian as an accountability partner to help you make wise decisions in order to decide at what level you stop growing close to the unbeliever, because the Bible is not entirely clear on the boundary. The principle above is when the unbeliever begins to have you sinning or thinking in an unbiblical way, it is at that point that you pull back. Although the goal should be to not get to that point, but once you recognize negative effects, then you obviously know you grew to close. This is one of those issues that is actually a relative issue, because one person may affect you at a certain level and another person may not. Or you may be affected at a certain level, but another Christian may not be. Again, you will have to be lead by the Spirit and perhaps have a strong Christian as an accountability partner to help you make wise decisions. Again, the level of closeness that you grow to is relative, but some principles are not.
You must pull away if you start to sin or think in an unbiblical way, which is why it is important to lean on other strong Christians. Also, based on this principle and knowing how close a marriage relationship ought to be (“a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” Ephesians 5:31) we should not marry an unbeliever. This is the official cap on how close we should be with unbelievers. Now again it is further back than that depending on how impacted you become. Obviously accompanying an unbeliever to a strip club is wrong, but bowling or golf is not. Some areas are not as black and white, for example, should you go to a bar?
There are some basic ways to start connecting with people. Begin to become a well-rounded person that is knowledgeable about a range of topics. Start discovering what people’s interests are and discuss them with that person. Begin to establish a connection and you are on your way to sharing the gospel. The next few lessons we’ll go over what to share.
